Offaly Fans Break Into O’Connor Park To Protest Against Being Shite

A large group of Offaly supporters have broken into O’Connor Park in Tullamore and staged a protest on the pitch against being shite. The faithful county fans are angry at the lack of success in recent years and are demanding a change in leadership. Spokesman Paddy Bracken told us they’ve had enough.

“We’ve had enough.” he told us. “When I was a kid it seemed like Offaly were in an All-Ireland final every other year and we thought that would always be the case. Now I wouldn’t fancy our chances against London or New York. I wouldn’t fancy our chances against the Leitrim Under 12 Camogie team either if I’m honest. We demand the right to not be shite. Actually that’s not a bad chant. It even rhymes.”

The fans chanted Paddy’s new masterpiece for several hours until local golfing legend and big Offaly fan Shane Lowry intervened and convinced them to leave the stadium.

“I understand their frustration because I’m one of them.” said Lowry. “I want the glory days back too and that’s why I can confirm that today, the Offaly county board has made a bid for CiarĂ¡n Kilkenny and Dean Rock. The financial package on offer will make the lads eyes water and I’m confident they’ll be playing for Offaly very soon. As well as that, as a further incentive they’ve been offered a free bar for life in the Brewery Tap in Tullamore.”

Offaly’s audacious bid for two of Dublin’s biggest stars is sure to send shockwaves through the GAA but Lowry is convinced the transfers will happen.

“Look, if Manchester City can buy the English Premier League Offaly can buy the All-Ireland. I’m fecking loaded lads and I’ll do what I want with my money. It’s the future. Get used to it. Hon the faithful!”