People Of Ireland Call For NPHET To Be Put Into Lockdown

The people of Ireland have called for NPHET to be put into lockdown indefinitely. The group setup to advise the government during the current pandemic has finally pissed off the nation so much that an online petition calling for them to be locked up has already gained over a million signatures. And that was in just one hour!

John O’Brien from Kildare who setup the petition told us “We are calling on the government to have all members of NPHET placed in quarantine immediately on an isolated island off the coast of Connemara.

“We demand that they are banned from ever appearing on Irish television again and that Dr Tony Holohan takes today’s case numbers and all subsequent day’s numbers and shoves them up his hole.”

Just as people were starting to get into the Christmas spirit after two years and lockdowns and shutdowns, NPHET released a statement earlier today, encouraging the government to introduce a fresh wave of restrictions. The government duly obliged and Mr O’Brien said that was the final straw for the Irish people.

“To my knowledge no other country in the world has someone coming on television every evening telling off the population like we’re naughty school children. We’re done with this shit. We’re wearing our masks and washing our hands. After that they can all go and fuck off.”

The Taoiseach meanwhile was asked during a heated press conference tonight if the government even know what they’re doing anymore.

“Of couse we do.” he replied. “The latest surge is being driven by 5 to 11 year-olds so we’re closing the nightclubs. Does that sound like the actions of a government that doesn’t know what it’s doing?”