North Korea fires long-range ballistic missile at Enoch Burke

News is just reaching us that North Korea has fired a long-range ballistic missile at former school teacher Enoch Burke. The missile was launched in the last half hour and is expected to reach Westmeath around 5 o’clock this evening Irish time.

North Korean dictator Kim Yong-Un is known to keep a close eye on all things Irish due to his love of Mrs Brown’s Boys. Apparently he can’t get enough of the show. In fact insiders say he has picked up a lot of Irish slang from watching it and now refers to his late mother as “Me Mammy.” He has also been filmed calling his army generals gobshites and feckin’ eejits.

An official statement from the regime in Pyongyang in the last few minutes seems to confirm the missile launch. It said “The great leader in all his wisdom is sick to death reading about this Enoch Burke idiot and has given the order to eliminate him. This order has now been carried out. You’re welcome, Ireland. Oh and he said to say well done in the rugby by the way.”

Enoch Burke had to be removed from the High Court by Gardaí this morning and has since returned to Wilson’s Hospital School in Westmeath where he continues to stand outside in protest. We asked local Gardaí if he has been informed that a nuclear missile aimed at his head is approaching fast. They issued the following statement.

“Unfortunately all available officers are currently busy attending an emergency situation that is unfolding as we speak. There’s a cat stuck down the side of a couch in Mullingar. We’ll tell Mr Burke about his predicament later. Or maybe tomorrow.”