Government Says No Shifting At Weddings Until At Least November

The government has said shifting at weddings will not be permitted until at least November. Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly told reporters that although getting the shift is an integral part of any Irish wedding, like betting on the length of the speeches or sneaking into the resident’s bar when it’s all over, the singletons of Ireland will just have to wait.

“I know some single people will have family weddings coming up before November but I’m afraid there will be no shifting allowed at those events. In fact there will be no dancing either so I wouldn’t even bother scanning the room for a potential shiftee.”

Unfortunately he’s not wrong. You’re barely allowed to leave your table so you might as well just stay seated where you are for the night and get hammered with granny.

Of course as with all government restrictions, the no shifting rule is subject to immediate change if a Minister is caught breaking it. Although the chances of any of that shower getting someone to shift them are extremely remote.