Covid-19: Trump To Reduce Positive Test Numbers By Banning Tests

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Donald Trump has promised that he will get the number of Americans testing positive for Covid-19 down to zero in a matter of weeks. The President made the extraordinary claim during a press conference at the White House this morning and explained how he intends to do it.

“As I told the 2 million supporters who attended my rally in Tulsa on Saturday night, if you test lots of people you get lots of results, including lots of positive results. Therefore if you test no people you get no results. And that means nobody will test positive for Covid-19. Once again America shows the world how it’s done.”

Mr. Trump said the idea came to him in a dream but he believes it was probably Jesus sending him a message. He also took a swipe at the scientific community who had roundly condemned him when he suggested injecting disinfectant as a cure for Covid-19.

“All the world’s doctors and so-called scientists working day and night trying to find a cure and along comes President Trump with the solution. Who’s laughing now, huh? I told you I’d make America great again.”

The President said he also intends to get crime figures down to a record low by instructing Police departments not to report them.