Donald Trump’s concession speech will be broadcast live across America and the world from his new residence, the Crest Hills Psychiatric Hospital in Washington DC. Mr. Trump was moved to the facility by his family this morning and his wife Melania told reporters the President will remain there for as long as it takes for him to get better.
“We just want what’s best for Donald. There’s no point in rushing these things. Who’s to say how long he’ll be in there? I told the doctor to take as many years as he needs. Even more. I want Donald to get the best treatment possible. For as long as possible.”
President Trump’s behaviour has long been a source of concern for those close to him but his insane rants over the last few days forced his family to finally step in and take action. Doctor Philip McIntyre will be in charge of Trump’s treatment and he said it’s a unique challenge but one he looks forward to.
“I spoke with the President for about an hour this morning and it’s clear the road to recovery will be a long one. His incoherent ramblings made no sense whatsoever but that’s what we’re here for. To help those who have basically lost touch with reality. I shouldn’t laugh but he still thinks he won the election. Lol.”
Melania meanwhile said she she takes comfort in the knowledge that her husband is in the best possible hands and can’t wait to visit Donald to see how he is progressing.
“I can’t wait to visit him. If I ever pass through this way again. Which I never will. Now if you’ll excuse me I have a dinner date with a hot divorce lawyer.”