RTE Soccer Panel Voted Most Miserable People On Earth

Have you ever noticed that after a 4-0 football result, while other pundits on other channels are admiring the goals the guys on RTE spend the whole show talking about the ‘dreadful’ defending that led to the goals? Well you’re not alone because RTE’s soccer panel have finally been recognised for their non-stop depressing negativity and been voted Most Miserable People on Earth.

The lads fought off stiff competition, from the homeless to refugees fleeing war, but after watching endless hours of footage, the international judging committee unanimously agreed that they’ve never encountered anyone more miserable anywhere in the world.

We caught up with the guys after the ceremony at the plush Kensington Hotel in London and asked Richard Sadlier how it felt to be honoured for his TV punditry. After pausing for 20 minutes to think about the question, he eventually responded.

“It’s good to win an award but what about the guys who didn’t win? I’d rather talk about them for four hours. Why didn’t they win the award? Did they not prepare for tonight because from what I saw they just didn’t want it enough.”

Former Irish international Liam Brady has been a regular on RTE’s soccer panel for many years and we asked him if he’s feeling proud to be part of an award winning team.

“I think the BBC coverage has a better theme tune but that’s not enough on its own and that’s why the brits are going home empty handed tonight. The fans in England who pay their licence fee must feel cheated and so they should. I’m sad for them. I’m sad for everyone. Basically I’m just really, really sad.”

Surprisingly Mr. Controversy himself Eamon Dunphy came out of retirement to accept the award on the panel’s behalf. Surely Eamon would be in the mood to celebrate. We asked him for his reaction to winning the award.

“Spoofers! Absolute spoofers and chancers the lot of them. They’re a disgrace to the beautiful game and don’t deserve to wear the shirt of that great club. They should be ashamed of themselves. They’re an embarrassment and they should apologise to the fans.”

We asked Eamon who the hell he was talking about. He told us “Oh I don’t even know anymore. Just go and get me a drink.”