Boris Vows To Celebrate Victory With Massive Piss-Up At Number 10

British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has told reporters that he intends to celebrate his unconvincing victory in this evening’s confidence vote by having a “massive piss-up” in number 10 Downing Street.

Mr Johnson’s job as Conservative Party leader was saved after his colleagues voted 211 to 148 in his favour. A clearly delighted Boris said his victory was never in doubt, although he was surprised the vote happened at all.

“They all knew I was an incompetent, self-serving, lying twat when they voted for me, so why are they suddenly complaining now? Anyway, enough of this nonsense. Everyone back to my place for a massive piss-up.”

The Prime Minister was asked if his victory tonight shows his party colleagues have confidence in his leadership and will remain loyal from here on.

“No, it shows they know all the possible replacements are even more shit than me. Lol. Now go away. It’s party time.”