Manchester United Officially Not Shite Anymore

English Premier League club Manchester United are officially not shite anymore. United knocked Barcelona out of Europe last night to continue what is fast becoming their most promising season since the retirement of Alex Ferguson in 2013.

During Ferguson’s reign, the club won a staggering 13 English league titles along with 25 other domestic and international trophies but since then they’ve been pure shite. However, things are now finally starting to turn under new manager Erik ten Hag who told reporters that last night was one of his proudest moments in football.

“This is a great feeling for me but more importantly for the players. They have earned this. To beat Barcelona is one thing but to be told by Uefa that we are officially not shite anymore is the icing on the cake.”

Unfortunately things have gone in the opposite direction for United’s biggest rivals Liverpool.

A Uefa statement released today said “Due to recent poor results we regret to inform Liverpool football club that they are now classified as a shite football club. These are legal standings and recognised by all the world’s football associations. We have spoken and our word is final. You’re shite and that’s the end of it.”

Liverpool have taken legal advice but were told not to appeal the decision, mainly due to the fact that their current squad is most definitely complete and utter shite.