Dublin City Council have confirmed that an army sniper has been put in position to protect the Luke Kelly statue near Sherrif Street which has been vandalised a total of seven times. Spokesman Anthony Cullen told reporters that a highly trained marksman has been given clearance to “shoot on sight” anyone who even looks like they might be getting ready to do harm to the statue.
“There’s actually 3 of them taking turns so they’re working round the clock and the statue now has 24 hour protection. Like most countries we have highly trained snipers in our army but unlike most countries our lads never really get to shoot anyone. This way they’ll finally get to put their skills to good use and hopefully take out a couple of scumbags as well.”
Mr. Cullen said the snipers have taken over an apartment in a nearby complex and have a clear view of the statue during daylight hours and night vision goggles for after dark.
“Lee Harvey Oswald had nothing on these guys. Believe me, the next time some scummy little shite-bag approaches that Luke Kelly statue with a spray can it will be his last.”