Longford To Get Internet


It’s been a long time coming but the world wide web will at long last reach County Longford later this month and people there will finally get to see what all the fuss is about. Thousands of locals have been seen buying computers in anticipation as the internet craze takes the whole county by storm. We spoke to Longford County Councillor Barney Fitzmaurice and he told us people there can’t wait.

“I haven’t seen this much excitement around here since Longford became the 1982 minor hurling division 4B runners up. It’s that crazy! You mark my words, if this internet thing catches on I can see it spreading across the whole country. Maybe even into other countries too. Once again Longford leads the way.”

An advertising campaign has been launched throughout the county and Windows 95 CD’s have been flying off the shelves in recent days.

We asked councillor Fitzmaurice if he intends to create an online profile himself and what kind of things he’s looking forward to googling?

“I’ve honestly no idea what the hell you just said but I’ve already bought my computer and I can’t wait to see what this internet thing is all about. I just hope I get to see some nudey women. I hear it’s full of that sort of thing.”

Longford will officially become the last place on Earth to get internet after it was recently discovered that the Ogo tribe of indigenous Indians – the most isolated people on the planet who live deep in the Amazon jungle – have had their own Facebook page up and running for over two years now.