‘My Tree Isn’t Up Yet So Nobody’s Should Be!’ Claims Local Grumpy Bastard

A local grumpy bastard has claimed that nobody should have their Christmas tree up yet because he doesn’t have his up. Brian Gorman from Tullamore said it’s just too early and he cannot stand seeing trees up in his neighbours’ houses already.

“It drives me mad!” Brian told us. “Some people seem to think they can do whatever they want in the privacy of their own homes. Well you can’t! Putting your Christmas tree up this early should be made illegal. Frankly it sickens my hole.”

So when does Brian usually put his tree up?

“Christmas Eve is plenty of time. I get a real tree every year and if you wait ’til after dark those gobshites selling them outside the shopping centre will give you one for free.”

Brian said another thing that drives him mad is hearing Christmas music in shops before he deems it acceptable.

“I warned my local newsagent way back in August if he started playing Christmas songs too early this year I’d stop coming into his shop and he’d never see me again. He started playing them the very next day. In the middle of August. Wanker.”

Meanwhile emergency legislation that passed just yesterday will see radio DJ’s who play Ronan Keating’s atrocious version of Fairytale of New York stripped of their Irish citizenship and deported to a refugee camp in Syria where they will remain for the rest of their lives. The emergency legislation passed by 160 votes to zero.