Liverpool Win Football Match

The world of sport was turned on its head last night after English Premier League strugglers Liverpool won a football match. Many fans had began to suspect the Merseyside club were taking part in some sort of ‘no-win January’ event for charity but last night’s win over Spurs put their minds at ease and even surprised manager Jurgen Klopp.

“Obviously I hadn’t given up on this season but January was turning into an absolute shit-show. At least this will keep the fans happy for now. I was starting to fear for my hubcaps.”

Liverpool supporters chairman Barry Corkhill said Klopp has nothing to worry about as the fans would never turn on him but he did admit he found the manager’s comments a tad offensive, saying it’s an outdated stereoytpe.

“As all true Liverpool fans will tell you, what’s important is Manchester United lost this week. That’s all that really matters to us. Our results are irrelevant. If Jurgen thinks his car is gonna get vandalised after a few poor results just because he lives in Merseyside then he has been very much misinformed. I can assue you all Mr. Klopp won’t be getting his hubcaps stolen. Those things are really bolted on there. I couldn’t budge the bastards one bit.”