Arab Consortium Plans to Merge Liverpool and Manchester United into FC Liverchester

An Arab consortium has revealed its intentions to launch bids for both Liverpool and Manchester United and confirmed that if the bids are successful, they will merge the two clubs into what they believe will be the world’s biggest football club.

Both Manchester United and Liverpool are up for sale and their current owners are hoping to cash-in on the interest in English Premier League clubs from oil rich investors in the Middle East.

Saudi Arabia’s sports minister Abdulaziz bin Turki Al Faisal Ahmed Al Atta bin Ibrahim Al Faisal bin Atti Ali Ayad bin Ahmed Hassan confirmed the Saudi Arabian government is behind the consortium hoping to buy the two Premier League giants, having already bought Newcastle United last year.

“We intend to buy the two biggest clubs in English football and join them together to make the biggest club in world football. The fans in Liverpool and Manchester won’t be happy but we are filthy stinking rich and therefore get to do whatever we want.”

We told Mr bin Turki Al Faisal Ahmed Al Atta bin Ibrahim Al Faisal bin Atti Ali Ayad bin Ahmed Hassan that United and Liverpool fans have already reacted furiously and plan to protest against the move. What does he have to say to those fans?

“I say to those fans if you don’t like it go and support Accrington Stanley.”

We also put it to him that any sale of either club to a Saudi Private Sector company would spark fresh controversy given the country’s questionable human rights record and stance on the LGBTQ+ community.

“Not this nonsense again.” he replied. “Listen, FC Liverchester will be based in England and will respect the culture and laws of England, not Saudi Arabia. You’ll be able to have a beer in the stadium and everyone will be welcome at the matches. Just no women or queers obviously.”