Shane Lowry Offers Lionel Messi Seven Figure Sum To Sign For Offaly

Golfer Shane Lowry has offered soccer superstar Lionel Messi a seven figure sum to sign for Offaly after Barcelona confirmed contract talks have collapsed with the Argentinian and he will not be playing for the Catalan giants next season.

The Clara native became an official partner and sponsor of Offaly GAA recently and is said to be eager to splash the cash to bring the glory days back to his beloved county.

Lowry told us “They say he’s the best footballer of all time. That’s all well and good throwing shapes and doing your fancy moves in sunny Spain but until you’ve played on a frosty night in Cappincur freezing your balls off while big hairy Ballycumber lads box the puss off ya every time the ref turns his back you have no right to make that claim. Come and show us how good you really are.”

We asked Shane if he seriously thinks Messi would sign for Offaly when all the top soccer clubs in the world, including several English Premier League teams, will surely make hugely lucrative offers to attract the Argentinian superstar.

“Ah will ya stop.” he laughed “I’ve probably got more money in me arse pocket right now than all of those gobshites combined. I just bought the Tullamore Court Hotel so he can use it as his house and paid for a free bar for life in Fergies. Let’s see them match that. You won’t become the next Seamus Darby playing for Chelsea. This is a proper challenge. Come to Offaly and let’s see how good you really are ya little bollocks.”

Lionel Messi said he is listening to all offers, although he added “What the hell is Offaly?”