Kim Kardashian’s New Arse Implants Ready To Ship

Construction of Kim Kardashian’s brand new arse implants has been completed and they are now ready to begin their journey by sea to the reality star’s Hollywood mansion.┬áThe enormous fake arse cheeks will be transported on the navy vessel the U.S.S. Intrepid which is normally used as an aircraft carrier. They were made at the Westburg Naval Shipyard near Seattle in Washington and will be lifted onto the ship by crane. Weather permitting Kardashian should have her massive new hole in about two weeks.

The new implants had to be ordered after Kardashian’s previous arse exploded on a recent flight from New York to Los Angeles. It is believed the pilot took the plane above 40,000 feet to avoid turbulence. Unknown to Kim, when implants fly above 35,000 feet they have been known to explode and that’s exactly what happened in her case.



Kim Kardashian and husband Kanye West haven’t been seen much in public since Kim gave birth to their new daughter on January 2nd. She announced on Twitter the next day that the baby would be named Shitweasel. The couple already have two other children, Milkshake and Hair-Dryer.

Doctors have previously warned Kardashian of serious health implications if her arse gets any bigger but it seems she is determined to have the world’s biggest mega-butt. Meanwhile U.S. newspapers are reporting that child protection agencies have pleaded with the couple to stop giving their kids such stupid fucking names.