Study Confirms Kids Talk Shite


A government funded study into what kids talk about has found that they talk absolute shite. Results show that around 99% of what they say is just nonsense while the remaining 1% is made up of bold words like bum-bum and poo-poo because they find saying those words hilarious.

Dr. Philip McIntyre carried out the study and said kids just say whatever the hell they want to with no regard for logic or sense.

“Our team of experts interviewed thousands of children of varying backgrounds and cultures from all over the world and found that they all had one thing in common. Absolute shite talkers every one of them. We couldn’t understand what the hell any of them were going on about. One kid claimed to have friends that are monsters but said they’re nice monsters and they live in his garden while another said dogs grow up to be horses and called me a big fat poo-poo head. If that’s not talking shite I don’t know what is.”

We put it to Dr. McIntyre that maybe this is how children learn to express themselves in a positive and healthy way while displaying creative imaginations and an ability to articulate their thoughts through the art of conversation.

He told us “No, they just talk shite.”