Kids Reminded Snots Don’t Count As One Of Their 5-A-Day


Children are being reminded that snots do not count as one of their 5-a-day. Dr. Patrick Dunne is leading a campaign to re-educate Irish school kids on the importance of including fruit and vegetables in their daily diet and he believes many children may be misinterpreting the phrase ‘eat your greens’.

“When we encourage our children to eat their greens we are obviously talking about fruit and vegetables and not the contents of their noses. I’ve given talks in schools around the country and I have yet to visit a classroom without witnessing most of the children picking their noses while I’m speaking and then inspecting what they’ve retrieved before popping it into their mouths. Kids are so gross.”

Recent figures show that around 8 out of 10 children pick their nose and eat it. The rest prefer to simply roll it and flick it.

So how do we stop our children picking their noses? Dr. Dunne has the following advice.

Try letting your child’s fingernails grow really long by never cutting them. Then when they go for a pick they’ll end up stabbing themselves in the nostrils. It’s extremely painful and there will be tears, not to mention lots of blood and possible permanent disfiguration, but at least your disgusting little brat will stop picking his nose and that’s all that matters.”