Jedward To Headline Slane This Year

Concert promoters for Slane Castle MCD have today confirmed that this year’s headline act will be Jedward.

Organisers said there aren’t many rock stars left under 50 worthy of headlining Slane with no sign of any younger ones coming through the ranks to take up the mantle, so musically they’ve decided to go in a completely different direction.

Spokesman Jamie Colgan told reporters “Many of you have probably noticed that most of today’s music is shite and we need young people to buy tickets so if they really like shite so much, let’s give them Jedward.”

Jamie said the only alternative is to keep bringing back the same bands year after year until they all eventually die.

“An Oasis reunion would sell out but that’s unlikely. Or U2 or Metallica again but all these bands have already headlined Slane and a lot of their fans might not buy tickets to stand in a field for 12 hours solid as they edge closer to hip replacement territory.”

Tickets for Jedward go on sale this Monday. Mr Colgan also confirmed the warm-up acts will be Crystal Swing, Donna and Joe McCall and the fat lad out of East 17.