20 Reasons To Be Happy That It’s Not Coming Home

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Here are 20 reasons to be happy that England will not be winning the World Cup and why Irish people who tell you we should be supporting our neighbours are absolute cockwombles.

Local rivalry is a thing. The Scots and Welsh love to see England lose. Brazil love to see Argentina lose. The same goes for New Zealand and Australia. Holland and Germany. Finglas and Ballymun and so on and so forth. It’s a worldwide tradition and it’s fun so get over yourselves you brit-licking cockwombles.

1. They expect everyone abroad to speak fluent English.

2. They call us Paddies and love telling jokes about Irish people being thick.

3. Yorkshire Puddings.

4. Brexit. Go on then, fuck off!

5. The biggest selling ‘newspaper’ in England is The Sun. Need we say more?

6. Jimmy Saville.

7. They are all somehow 100% incapable of grasping the very simple, straight forward fact that we are not British.

8. Love Island.

9. Their fans can’t go anywhere without throwing chairs and bottles at locals but then piss their jocks when confronted by proper hooligans.

10. Margaret Thatcher



11. They hate ‘bloody foreigners’ but that didn’t stop them invading and pillaging their countries.

12. Tony Fucking Blair.

13. The Commonwealth Games. The most pointless and ridiculous sporting event ever conceived.

14. Oliver Bastard Cromwell.

15. They go to Spain every year to spend 2 weeks eating egg and chips in an English bar while drinking English beer and watching Eastenders.

16. Pork Scratchings.

17. They genuinely think England won two World Wars on their own.

18. They name their children Nigel and Agnes.

19. Jeremy Kyle.

20. They wiped out 50% of our population during 800 years of occupation which really wasn’t very nice at all now was it?