The Football Association of Ireland has asked the government to grant Irish citizenship to all Brazilian nationals residing in the state as a matter of urgency. The move is seen as a final desperate attempt at improving the fortunes of the Republic of Ireland senior men’s team who have gone eleven games without a win under manager Stephen Kenny. It is not known how many of the 23 players in the current Irish squad are at risk of being dropped.
FAI Spokesman Frank Molloy told reporters “There are over 20,000 Brazilians currently living in Ireland. Apparently most of them are here working in meat factories. I’d like to invite all 20,000 to try out for the Republic of Ireland senior men’s football team. 23 of you will be successful.”
We asked Frank what changes we could expect from an Ireland performance if the entire current squad was replaced with Brazilian meat factory workers.
“Well they’ll more than likely pass the ball to a teammate rather than to one of the opposition players so there’s a big change straight away. Plus they might actually fucking sing the National Anthem.”