Irish Border None Of Ireland’s Business, Confirms EU

In a move roundly condemned by politicians of all persuasions on both sides of the Irish border, the European Union yesterday triggered Article 16 of the Northern Ireland Protocol that forms part of the Brexit withdrawal deal. After it was pointed out to them that what they were doing was laying the foundations for a hard border in Ireland and risked destroying the Good Friday Agreement, the EU backed down and did a complete u-turn. Taoiseach Micheál Martin then praised the EU for making the u-turn.

“I’d like to thank our wonderful commissioner Ursula von der Leyen for not destroying the Irish peace process yesterday. What a fantastic thing to do. So very thoughtful. We are grateful to the EU and so privileged to be part of such an organisation. I call on the people of Ireland to step outside their homes at 6pm this evening, turn towards Brussels and clap for an hour. I’ve already told Ursula about the applause so you better get out and do it. She said ‘Whatever’ but I could tell she was pleased with me. I hope she was anyway.”

The Taoiseach admitted EU leaders gave the Irish government no advance warning before making the shock move yesterday, confirming yet again that as far as Brussels is concerned, the Irish border is a negotiating tool to be used in talks between the EU and the UK and quite frankly none of Ireland’s business.

Micheál Martin is due to release a statement later today explaining the Irish government’s concerns regarding the EU’s behaviour yesterday. He told reporters “I’ll be outlining our position in a live broadcast around lunchtime today. Or possibly a bit later. Whenever I receive my speech from Brussels we’ll be good to go.”