Frustrated with a string of piss-poor performances on this year’s show, producers at Virgin Media Television have finally had enough and cancelled Ireland’s Got Talent. The quality of the four judges initially raised a few eyebrows when the show began, in particular the American one – Michelle something we think – who nobody in Ireland had ever heard of before. In fact most are still wondering who the hell she is. Also the amount of chancers and spoofers turning up to audition has increased significantly during the current series.
Along with the usual endless parade of singers murdering already awful ballads, notable performances have included a cat that can bark, a Belfast knife-thrower who accidentally stabbed his assistant and an elderly man from Tralee who belched the national anthem.
“It gives me great pleasure to announce Ireland’s Got Talent will not be renewed for another series.” said producer Kevin O’Rourke in a press release today. “Apart from everything else the head judge is Louis Walsh. We have the man responsible for Jedward judging a talent show. What were we thinking? Time to admit this was all a horrible mistake and move on with our lives. Let’s just pretend it never happened. Thank you and goodbye.”
Meanwhile RTE bosses have confirmed that an Irish version of I’m A Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here is currently in production. We have it on good authority however that budget restrictions mean the ‘celebrities’ will only be pretending to be in the Australian jungle and the camp will actually be located somewhere in Cavan with cameramen making occasional kookaburra noises that producers hope will fool the viewers.