Ireland is to leave the Eurovision Song Contest and join a new breakaway competition called the Supervision Song Contest. The decision was taken after Ireland failed to qualify for yet another Eurovision final last night with yet another piss-poor generic pop song.
Despite having won the Eurovision Song Contest seven times, more than any other country, Ireland’s last victory was 25 years ago. Since then we’ve tried everything from dance music and folk music to ballads and Dustin the turkey. In a move born out of desperation we even sent Jedward, not once but twice. That also turned out to be a stupid fuckin’ idea.
Ireland will be joined in the new contest, which you don’t have to qualify for, by Lithuania and Iceland (the Spurs and Arsenal of the Supervision Song Contest) as well as Poland, Slovenia and Croatia. So who will be representing Ireland in the first ever Supervision Song Contest? We asked RTE’s head of entertainment Adam Molloy.
“Does it matter? Israel won the Eurovision a couple of years ago with a woman making chicken noises so who knows what people will vote for? Maybe someone belching into the microphone. Or gargling the National Anthem. Having said that, maybe we should send Jedward again, lol. No, only joking. We actually want to win so we’ll probably go with the belching thing.”