Ireland Boycotts Eurovision Song Contest Final By Not Qualifying For It

Nil Points

Ireland has delivered a devastating blow to the state of Israel by sending a terrible song to the Eurovision Song Contest and purposely not qualifying for Saturday night’s final in Tel Aviv.

The heroic mission went according to plan as 25 year-old Sarah McTernan – possibly a Hamas sympathiser – mumbled her way through a truly diabolical song in last night’s semi-final in front of an audience of millions.

During the excruciating performance it gradually became clear to everybody watching that Ireland was trying to sabotage the contest by being shite but by the time Israeli Special Forces were ready to storm the stage and end the attack it was too late.

There had been calls for Ireland to boycott the whole contest but protesters are said to be delighted with how awful the song was and initial reports show that around a quarter of viewers worldwide changed channel during the performance.

The Irish Palestinian Alliance had lobbied the government to unleash Jedward on the Israelis but it was feared they could retaliate to such a drastic attack by carpet bombing Dublin.