A Dublin man who has never been to any other part of Ireland in his entire life is about to take a trip to Tipperary and the mere thought of it is causing him nightmares.
29 year-old Brain Mooney works as a courier around Dublin city but is being sent to collect a parcel in Thurles tomorrow, his first ever job outside the capital.
“I only do Dublin but there’s a few lads off sick so I’ve no choice. I’m going to see my doctor later so hopefully he’ll give me whatever jabs I need to protect me from whatever it is that makes culchies the way they are. I think it’s something in the air down there. Or maybe the water.”
Brian said he plans to have as little contact with culchies as possible on his trek.
“I hear if you’re not careful you can end up looking and talking like those Healy-Rae fellas after just a couple of hours exposure so I’m not taking any chances.
“I got one of those rubber suits the lads who cleaned up Cherbobyl wore so please God that’ll seal me up but of course I won’t know straight away ‘coz sometimes it can take ages for the symptoms to start showing, even years.
“My grandad went to a match down the country forty years ago and lately all his hair has started falling out. The poor man’s only 85 years old.”