President Higgins Hoping He Dies Before Trump Visits Ireland

President Higgins

President of Ireland Michael D. Higgins has confided in friends that he hopes he’s dead and buried if Donald Trump ever gets around to visiting Ireland as President of the United States. Trump was last in Ireland three years ago when he tried to buy County Clare but that was as a private citizen. As a head of State he would traditionally be welcomed to Áras an Uachtarán by the President of Ireland.

“I don’t know if or when he’s going to darken our shores again with his presence.” said Mr. Higgins. “But God willing I’ll be six feet under before I’m ever called upon to officially welcome that prick to Ireland. I apologise for my language but honestly, the thoughts of worms munching away at my decaying corpse fills me with joy if it means I won’t have to shake hands with that orange faced bollocks.”

As we reported exclusively here last week, genealogists have found a link between a village in County Offaly and Trump’s great-grandfather so a visit may well be on the cards sooner rather than later, perhaps even this year. If that is the case then a meeting between Higgins and Trump is surely inevitable. President Higgins however is adamant it’s not going to happen.

“Oh there’s always a way out of these things if you put your mind to it. Something tells me I’m going to be on the lash down in Galway that week. Lanky balls Leo can show him around Dublin while I’m gone AWOL. There’s a seisún and a barrel of porter in Spiddal with my name on it. Give me a shout when he’s gone.”