‘My Tree Isn’t Up Yet So Nobody’s Should Be’ Says Local Grumpy Bastard


A local grumpy bastard has claimed that nobody should have their Christmas tree up yet because he doesn’t have his up. Noel Coughlan from Tullamore said it’s just too early and people who have their tree up already really piss him off.

“It’s ridiculous!” he told us. “Some people seem to think they can do whatever they want in the privacy of their own homes. Well they can’t! Putting your Christmas tree up this early should be made illegal. Frankly it sickens my arse.”

So when does Noel usually put his tree up?

“Christmas Eve is plenty of time. I get a real tree every year and if you wait ’til after dark those gobshites selling them outside the shopping centre will give you one for free.”

Noel said another thing that drives him mad is hearing Christmas music in shops before he deems it acceptable.

“I warned my local newsagent way back in August if he started playing Christmas songs too early this year I’d stop coming into his shop and he’d never see me again. He started playing them the next day for some reason. Wanker.”