God has pleaded with the winners at this year’s Grammy Awards to stop thanking him during their acceptance speeches. After watching last week’s proceedings in Los Angeles our Lord and Saviour decided he’d finally had enough and that it was time to speak out.
“That shit show gets worse every year.” said God. “I mean seriously I’ve never even heard of half of these people. The ones I have heard of are awful and the first thing they do when they get up on stage is thank me. Well sorry but No. I had nothing to do with that crap. Thank all the clueless 12 year-olds with dreadful taste in music who bought it but not me. Leave me out of it.”
God went on to say that it’s never artists he admires who thank him.
“It’s always the shite ones. Always! I remember Kanye West winning an MTV award and as he approached the microphone I was watching through my fingers saying “No, please don’t” but he did. As soon as the words came out of his mouth “I’d like to thank God” I put my boot through the TV. Remember the horrendous thunder that night? That’s was that was.”
So what kind of music does God listen to?
“Heavy metal. Nothing but heavy metal. Everything else bores the arse off me.”