Local Man Who Went Out Last Night Now Remembers Why He Stopped Going Out

hangover

A local man who went out for a few pints with friends last night for the first time since lockdown ended now remembers why he stopped going out. 54 year-old Brian Dooley woke up this morning feeling like absolute shit with his head pounding and his tongue firmly stuck to the roof of his mouth. We asked Brian if it was worth it.

“Oh sweet Mother of divine Jesus. Good God. Help me Jesus and Mary and Joseph and baby Jesus. I can’t feel my face. Please make it stop. I swear if I make it through today I’m never drinking again. Close the pubs. Close the off-licences. Just close everything!”

Brian said he stopped regularly going to the pub over 2 years ago but the fact that they were closed and have now re-opened made it seem like going on a good session was something that just had to be done.

“It’s my decision whether I go to the pub or not. Not the government’s. I didn’t miss pubs until I saw them all locked up and lonely looking. All I could remember was the good times and the craic. I had somehow forgotten about the bit where I wake up the next morning wanting to cut my own head off.”

So is Brian finished with pubs again?

“What the hell do you think? I never want to see the inside of a pub again as long as I live. That’s me finished with them forever. No more hangovers from here on in. It’s a new beginning. Unless of couse they shut them down again but we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it.”