Gobshite Conference Concludes In Dublin


Two absolute gobshites from the world of politics finally came face to face this morning when British Prime Minister Boris Johnson and Taoiseach Leo Varadkar held a private meeting at government buildings in Dublin.

Mr. Johnson got things going when he asked Mr. Varadkar “So Teashop, does Britain still own this place or what?” The Taoiseach informed the Prime Minister in no uncertain terms that Ireland is not governed from London anymore and that it’s now governed from Brussels instead.”

The Prime Minister then pointed at Irish Foreign Affairs Minister Charlie Flanagan – another gobshite who had just joined the meeting – and said “You there, Paddy number two, let’s sort out this border nonsense here and now.”

Mr. Flanagan informed Mr. Johnson that the Irish border has nothing to do with Ireland anymore and that it’s between the UK and the EU. The Prime Minister then asked “Well what the hell am I doing here then?” to which the Taoiseach replied “I’m not sure.” The meeting then ended.

In the last few minutes Leo Varadkar told reporters it had been a very constructive meeting and many important issues were discussed including which biscuits to open first and who has the most Twitter followers. He also said he will issue an official statement outlining the Irish government’s position on the talks as soon as Michel Barnier tells him what it is.