Irish Government officials have today announced that while the current warm weather continues, all gingers are being told to stay inside until further notice. The announcement also stated that Gardaí will be given special emergency powers and any gingers caught outside will be arrested on sight.
There have already been dozens of incidents of sun stroke and other heat related illnesses around the country and predictably all the victims have been ginger. Only this morning in Tullamore, 45 year-old ginger Liam Molloy was walking from his front door to his car when his head suddenly caught fire.
Ireland’s health service spends millions every summer treating gingers who seem to think they can go outside like normal people during sunny weather, however it appears that authorities have finally had enough.
Dr. Suzy Sherlock of the Deacon Dermatology Clinic in Cork told us “If there’s anything more wreckless than a ginger going outside when it’s sunny I haven’t heard it. Do these people not realise they’re putting themselves in grave danger? I mean seriously, did Jews go to their local train station and buy tickets to Auschwitz during the second World War? Of course not. So stay inside you soulless ginger-pubed freaks!”