From today, all gingers arriving in Ireland must quarantine indoors for a week after emergency legislation was brought in this morning. The ballot passed by 160 votes to zero and government spokesman Gavin Molloy told reporters the current sunny weather called for immediate intervention.
“This is for their own protection. Gingers must realise they can’t be outside like normal people in these conditions. I heard one actually caught fire yesterday down in Lahinch while walking along the beach. Terribly sad but his own fault in fairness.”
Mr Molloy said special temporary hotels have been setup inside Ireland’s airports and gingers will not be permitted to quarantine at home.
“Oh God no. Some of these people live hours from their nearest airport. They’d never make it. Getting them from the plane to the terminal alive will be hard enough.”
There are currently 40,221 gingers living in Ireland. We know the exact number because they were all admitted to hospital yesterday with sunstroke.