The Italian Chip Shop Association of Ireland has announced that every man, woman and child in the country will get a free bag of chips if Italy beat England in the Euro 2020 final at Wembley on Sunday night.
Spokesman Giuseppe Macari said as soon as the final whistle goes, if Italy are victorious, people in every town and city in Ireland can pile into their nearest Italian chippers and demand their free chips.
“It will be mayhem but we won’t care. All our staff have been given permission to lock the doors during the game and drink copious amounts of vino. These people work very hard and when we win, the celebrations will be crazy. It will be like a role reversal thing in chip shops up and down the country. This time our staff will be the drunk ones throwing chips at you and calling you Schillaci. Well not Schillaci obviously but some famous Irish footballer’s name. I just can’t think of one right now. Has there ever been one?”
We asked Giuseppe if he’d consider throwing in fish and a can of fizzy drink too. He called us ungrateful bastards and told us “we’re not made of money.” At least we thinks that’s what “Vaffanculo, in culo a tua Madre” means. We’re still checking this.