France Re-opens For Essential Journeys And Riots

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French President Emmanuel Macron has announced a detailed roadmap for a gradual, phased exit from the country’s strict coronavirus lockdown. Restrictions on essential journeys and riots are among the first to be lifted as people begin the slow process of returning to normality.

Rioting will be permitted as long as social distancing guidelines are observed by rioters and Police officers alike. Until the lockdown there were weekly riots against President Macron’s plans to remove pension privileges for French workers. Philippe Ledoux is chairman of the Paris Rioters Association and he told us he’s looking forward to getting back to business.

“It’s been frustrating sitting at home for the last few weeks but you do what you have to do to end this horrible virus. We’re just happy that things are gradually starting to return to normal and we can get back to doing what we do best. Throwing petrol bombs at Police.”

Emmanuel Macron is officially the most hated French President in history after a nationwide survey to find France’s ‘most popular ruler ever’ saw Mr. Macron finish in last place just behind Adolf Hitler. Hitler’s name wasn’t on the list of course but was added and ticked by more people than those who voted for Macron.

The first riot since the lockdown is scheduled for next Saturday at midday on the Champs-Élysées. Rioters are being asked to wear medically approved face masks only and to sanitize all bricks and petrol bombs before lobbing them.