Boris Johnson Attempts To Flee Britain


British Prime Minister Boris Johnson has been spotted trying to flee Britain in a tiny wooden boat after a week of political turmoil and humiliation in the House of Commons.

After 21 Conservative MP’s ignored his orders and backed a plan to block a no-deal Brexit, last night MP’s approved a bill that will yet again delay Britain’s exit from the EU.

The final straw for Mr. Johnson was probably when the house then rejected his motion calling for a general election and he was overheard mumbling into the microphone “Fuck this for a game of soldiers.”

As the Prime Minister was seen jumping into the boat on the River Thames this afternoon he asked several shocked onlookers “Will this thing get me to America? Which way is it anyway?” When told he’d have to go around Ireland first, Mr. Johnson reportedly replied “Bloody Paddy’s, getting in the way again.”

Johnson’s escape to sea leaves the Tories without a leader and the UK without a Prime Minister. One journalist asked former PM Theresa May if she’d consider temporarily stepping back into the hot seat if asked. She told him “I’d rather drink a pint of my own piss.”