Fine Gael Members Back Motion To Give All 32 Counties To Britain

Members of the Fine Gael party have unanimously backed a motion to hand all 32 counties over to the British government. Speaking to reporters in Trim at the end of the two-day think-in at the weekend, party leader Leo Varadkar said the meeting was a good opportunity for the party to get back to what it does best, Brit-licking.

“On behalf of the Fine Gael party, I’d like to apologise to Her Majesty for the disrespectful and frankly insulting manner in which our President snubbed an invitation to commemorate the foundation of Northern Ireland. I just hope she knows this has nothing to do with us. Nobody in Fine Gael voted for that Labour midget.”

The Tánaiste proposed a motion, saying the best way to apologise to the Queen and to distance Fine Gael from President Higgins would be to offer all 32 counties to “her majesty’s government” and to his delight the motion passed unanimously.

“I’m so proud of my party today I could cry. Just imagine how wonderful this island would be. Áras an Uachtaráin could be the Queen’s residence in Dublin. Maybe she’d invite me for tea. The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Ireland has a certain ring to it, don’t you think?”

Other motions passed at the event included calling for poppies on all GAA jerseys, a commitment to rebuilding Nelson’s Column and officially recognising President Higgins as a republican terrorist who should be extradited to Britain and tried for treason.