‘Let’s Just Become The Fianna Gael Party And Be Done With It’ Agree Leaders

Fine Gael and Fianna Fáil leaders Leo Varadkar and Micheál Martin are said to be on the verge of merging the two parties into one giant super party. The move will come as no surprise to a huge percentage of Irish voters who regularly accuse the two parties of being exactly the same.

Even when Fine Gael announced their hugely controversial plans to hold a commemoration for the Royal Irish Constabulary and its various nasty offshoots, nobody seemed too shocked when Micheál Martin, the leader of Fianna Fáil who hilariously still call themselves the republican party, also came out in favour of the commemoration.

The timing of the move however has taken many by surprise as both leaders are set to go head to head in a TV debate tonight. Leo Varadkar explained that the debates are just a formality where they both accuse each other of being crap to get more votes.

“We pretend to disagree with each other on everything but in reality there’s virtually no difference between us whatsoever. We’re two peas in a pod. If it wasn’t for his bogger accent you’d think we were brothers.”

“It’s true.” laughed Micheál Martin. “It’s really all for show. If he didn’t talk like a lad who grew up with a silver spoon jammed up his hole we’d basically be the same person.”

The leaders debate is on Virgin Media One, or as everyone in Ireland still calls it TV3, tonight at 9.