Britain To Blow Up Channel Tunnel As Part Of Brexit


British government officials have announced their intention to blow up the Channel Tunnel – also known as the Eurotunnel – as part of their Brexit plans. The UK will hold a huge leaving ceremony on March 29th next year culminating in a massive fireworks display on the cliffs of Dover which they hope will be visible from the coast of France.

The big finale on the night they officially leave the EU will be the blowing up of the Channel Tunnel. In a hugely symbolic gesture a train load of illegal immigrants will enter the tunnel on the stroke of midnight and when they’re deemed to be a safe enough distance away a detonator will set off the dynamite and the British end of the tunnel will be blown up and blocked off for good.

The news received a mixed reaction across Europe although French Foreign Minister Philippe Ledoux was in defiant mood when speaking to reporters in Paris yesterday.

“This is great news for France. Now maybe we don’t have to look at any more English tourists coming here with their terrible fashion sense and their disgusting beer bellies. Their men are drunks, their women are ugly and their football team is shit. Hey can anyone remember who won the World Cup? Oh that’s right, it was us. And guess what, England? It’s never coming home. And no more speaking their silly language either. In fact au revior tetes de merde. Vous pouvez suck mon coq!”

We can’t be sure what that last bit means but initial indications are that it’s not anything nice.