Britain To Blow Up Channel Tunnel As Part Of Brexit


The British government have announced their intention to blow up the Channel Tunnel – also known as the Eurotunnel – as part of their Brexit plans. The UK will hold a huge leaving ceremony on March 29th next year culminating in a massive fireworks display on the cliffs of Dover which they hope will be visible from the coast of France.

The big finale on the night that they officially leave the EU will be the blowing up of the Channel Tunnel. In a hugely symbolic gesture several train loads of illegal immigrants will leave Britain and enter the tunnel on the stroke of midnight on their way to France. When they’re deemed to be a safe enough distance away a detonator will set off the dynamite and the British end of the tunnel will be blown to smithereens. It has not yet been decided who gets to push the detonator but the current front runners with the bookies are Boris Johnson and Nigel Farage.

The news received a mixed reaction across Europe although French Foreign Minister Philippe Ledoux was in defiant mood when speaking to reporters in Paris yesterday.

“This is great news for France. Now hopefully we never have to look at any more English tourists coming here with their terrible fashion sense and their disgusting beer bellies. We don’t need them and we don’t want them. Their men are drunks, their women are ugly and their football team is shit. Hey can anyone remember who won the World Cup? Oh that’s right, it was us. And guess what, England? It’s never coming home. Never! And no more speaking their stupid boring language either. In fact au revior tetes de merde. Vous pouvez suck mon coq!”

We can’t be entirely sure what that last bit means but initial indications are that it’s not anything pleasant.