Taoiseach Vows To Eradicate The Poor


Taoiseach Leo Varadkar has said he intends to eradicate poor people during his tenure as leader of the country. Mr. Varadkar was responding to a question in Dáil Éireann regarding homelessness and poverty and said he sees no reason why both these issues can’t be solved within the next few years.

“If you don’t have poor people you don’t have poverty. I’m also reliably informed that it’s only poor people who are homeless so that’s two of the country’s biggest problems being caused by the same group of people. It therefore goes without saying that if we eradicate the poor we bring an end to both homelessness and poverty in this country and maybe then everyone will stop whingeing about it once and for all.”

Predictably the Taoiseach’s comments were met with outrage from opposition parties. Mary O’Donoghue of the United Left Alliance Against Profit Says No To Everything Party said the comments were a disgrace and called on the Taoiseach to apologise.

“Calm down there Mother Theresa.” he replied. “Ireland is booming under this government. The amount of brand new beemers and mercs around where I live is proof of that. If these people think they’re going to spoil things for the rest of us by being all poor and sad they’re very much mistaken.”

The Taoiseach didn’t explain how he intends to get rid of the poor but is said to be considering a straight swap with the Nigerian government for 10,000 taxi drivers.