The world of football is in shock tonight after a country that hasn’t won a trophy in 55 years failed to win another trophy. England lost the Euro 2020 final to Italy on penalties at Wembley this evening and their fans can’t believe it.
“I can’t believe it.” said Nigel Winterbottom from Middlesex. “Ever since we beat Ukraine I was sure we were gonna win the tournament. Everyone was. Even Lineker and Shearer. The Daily Mirror and The Sun told us ‘Football’s Coming Home.’ How the hell could this happen?”
British Prime Minister Boris Johnson had called on the England players to summon the spirit of World War 2 to defeat the enemy but of course in football you can’t ask the Americans to step in and help when you’re losing and then claim you won it on your own.
Meanwhile the notorious British tabloids, which had been hailing England manager Gareth Southgate as a hero and calling for him to be knighted, are now expected to photoshop a pair of donkey’s ears onto his head and call for him to be sacked.