Good News As NPHET Says Lockdown Restrictions Will Be Eased In A Few Years

Thr group set up to advise the government on how to handle the coronavirus pandemic has said the end is finally in sight and told the people of Ireland to hang in there for just a few more years. Chief Medical Officer Dr. Tony Holohan told a press conference that the numbers are steadily falling and we can at long last start looking forward to a future without Covid-19.

“If things continue the way they’re going at the moment, then I can honestly see no reason why people shouldn’t be allowed to go out and get themselves a hair cut in about 4 years.”

Dr. Holohan said other businesses will soon follow, although as always he didn’t seem too keen on pubs re-opening.

“All things going well, I would hope to see pubs in Ireland never open again. As you may have noticed, I hate pubs. They’re my scapegoat for everything. Remember the meat factory outbreak? We closed the pubs. Nursing Home outbreak? Closed the pubs. I even cut myself shaving one morning and closed the pubs. Lol. I hate pubs and if I get my way you’ll all be drinking cans of supermarket beer in your kitchens for the rest of your lives.”

Dr. Holohan said he is due to meet with government officials later today and hopes to convince them to have all remaining pubs in the country demolished.