2 Metre Rule That Everyone Ignores Could Be Eased Soon – Donnelly

Minister for Health Stephen Donnelly has said the current two-metre rule for physical distancing that everyone ignores could be eased in the coming days. Mr. Donnelly was speaking to reporters after a cabinet meeting this morning where the issue was raised by several party colleagues.

“After receiving advice from the Chief Medical Officer, I can confirm that the two metre rule will almost certainly be eased in certain circumstances in the coming days. I’m aware that it’s impossible to enforce and that most people never seemed to give a shit about it but as long as we do our job then what the hell else can I do?”

Shoppers in Dublin city centre this morning were clearly not observing social distancing rules and many businesses reported huge numbers of people coming through their doors. David Mangan is manager of mobile phone repair shop Fix-It on Henry Street and we asked him if his customers obey the two metre rule.

“Me bollix!” he told us. “Wall to wall young ones with masks on their chins bumping into each other. We put those 2-metre stickers on the floor but nobody has ever noticed them. They think the sanitiser at the door is a sample ‘coz they just spray in on their wrists and smell it.”

Minister Donnelly also confirmed that from September 6, large crowds can gather for religious ceremonies and sports events even though they already do and entire families with no capacity limit will be allowed to meet up indoors even though we’ve all been doing that since Christmas.