Research Confirms All Teenagers Are Dickheads


A team of scientists from Cambridge University in England have confirmed that all teenagers are dickheads. Professor John McIntyre who was in charge of the study said it’s the first research of its kind ever carried out and the results are both compelling and indisputable.

“Our team included some of the finest minds in science and we’ve been studying the behaviour of thousands of teenagers from all over the world. What we found is that while teenagers of different cultures have their own unique qualities, there is one personality trait they all share. Absolute dickheads every one of them.”

We asked Dr. McIntyre what it is exactly that makes all teenagers dickheads?

“Frankly it’s hard to know where to begin. There’s the complete lack of understanding of what their parents went through to raise them for a start. It’s also the age when kids start slagging off their parents and trying to make fun of them at family gatherings by throwing their eyes up to heaven or shaking their heads any time the parents try to speak. Classic dickhead behaviour.”

What would you say to parents reading this who might say my little Johnny is nothing like that?

“I’m afraid if your little Johnny isn’t slagging you off to your face then he’s doing it behind your back and it’s bound to be brutal. They’re the worst kind. Sorry parents but I’m afraid it’s a scientific fact that if you have a teenager at home you currently share your house with a dickhead.”