ATM Thieves Accidentally Steal Condom Machine


In yet another daring overnight raid, a gang of thieves once again used a digger to rip what they thought was a cash machine from a wall, this time on the outskirts of Dundalk in County Louth. What they didn’t realise at the time however is that the machine contained no money whatsoever. Instead the gang made off with approximately 5,000 rubber johnnies.

After a spate of ATM thefts across the North East of Ireland in recent weeks it seems the thieves got it spectacularly wrong last night – unless of course they intentionally set out to steal the condoms. Detective John Grennan from Dundalk Garda Station thinks probably not.

“No, all the evidence suggests this is the work of the same gang involved in the recent ATM thefts and we believe last night’s robbery was simply a mistake on their part. There’s no profit to be made in selling johnnies.”

We put it to Detective Grennan that the gang are stealing cash machines with embarrassing ease and regularity and seem to be able to strike where and when they want.

“Nonsense. We have hundreds of officers working round the clock on this and through our hard work and co-operation with our PSNI colleagues across the border I can today announce that we are closing in on the culprits. We now believe we are looking for Irish males who can operate a digger.”

Records show this narrows the search down to approximately 1.2 million suspects.