Millions Of Americans Testing Positive For Chronic Embarrassment

Millions of American citizens have been testing positive for chronic embarrassment since their President suggested coronavirus might be treated by injecting disinfectant. Even by Donald Trump’s standards this was mind-boggling drivel and a hugely dangerous comment that caused many manufacturers of disinfectant products to issue statements telling Americans that injecting disinfectant would almost certainly result in their immediate death.

Dr. Bob Mallory of the American Institute for Scientific Research said the numbers testing positive for Chronic Embarrassment are not surprising.

“I fully expect the words said by Donald Trump last Friday and witnessed by us all to go down in history as the most insane statement ever made by an American President. Over 300 million US citizens have to live with the fact that he is our President. Our leader. This man has access to our nuclear weapons and he thinks there’s nothing mental about suggesting injecting disinfectant into people’s bodies.”

So what is Chronic Embarrassment and what exactly are the symptoms to look out for?

“Most people are overcome with nervous tension and nausea and get a dreadful feeling in the pit of their stomach every time President Trump steps up to a microphone. Symptoms can deteriorate dramatically when he’s asked a question about Covid-19 and sufferers describe an overwhelming feeling of wanting to curl up and die.”

What advice does Dr. Mallory have for Americans who may be experiencing symptoms?

“Well in the unlikely event you’re travelling abroad in the near future, just pretend you’re Canadian. Most foreigners can’t tell the difference between the accents and you won’t have to suffer howls of laughter and ridicule. Then, for the love of God, in the Presidential Election in November, vote for the other guy. No need to hear what he stands for. Just vote for him, whether it’s Joe Biden or Joe fucking Exotic just do it and end this shitfest of insanity now for all our sakes. America needs you.”