People Who Work In Chippers On Saturday Nights To Be Given Medals

It was announced earlier today that all people who work in Irish chippers on Saturday nights will be awarded medals and publicly thanked for their service to their country at a lavish ceremony in Aras an Uachtarán later this year.

President Higgins made the announcement this morning at a press conference after meeting several representatives from Ireland’s chip shop staff.

“We will gather to honour and celebrate those who carry out their duties in the face of extreme adversity and drunkenness.” the President said. “Most of us would not be capable of listening to the absolute shite they put up with on a regular basis and I am therefore delighted to proclaim here today, Take-Away staff of Ireland, we salute you!”

Spokesman for the Association of Irish Take-Away Workers Martin Devine welcomed the announcement.

“We’re very happy with this news. It makes all the abuse we take worthwhile. And to all the drunk customers who call me spotty and gobshite and throw chips at me, it’s nearly enough to make me stop putting my snots in your burgers. Nearly but not quite.”