Davey Fitzgerald Set To Take Over At Chelsea

English Premier League giants Chelsea are set to officially announce the appointment of Davey Fitzgerald as their new manager. The London club sacked Frank Lampard yesterday and were expected to announce German Thomas Tuchel as the new boss at Stamford Bridge this week. However, Chelsea’s Russian billionaire owner Roman Abramovich revealed this morning that he has been a huge admirer of GAA legend Fitzgerald for many years and that the Clare man was always favourite to land the job.

“I remember watching him on TV back in Russia when Sixmilebridge beat Dunloy in the ’96 All-Ireland club final. He was a beast that day. Russians respect that sort of thing. I can see him wrestling a bear and I think he would win. As part of the deal to get him to Stamford Bridge I have agreed to buy Croke Park for him and move it brick by brick down to Ennis where it will be the new home of Clare GAA. Up the banner!”

Many pundits have been speculating what Chelsea’s foreign legion of prima donna stars will make of Fitzgerald’s no bullshit approach to management but the man himself told Clare FM he believes the players will get used to him.

“The lads have nothing to fear. I’m fair with all my players. We’ll train hard and get to know each other and hopefully they’ll quickly understand what I expect from them and start delivering results on the pitch. And if they don’t I’ll put their heads through a fucking wall.”