Local Man Can’t Wait For Christmas To End So He Can Stop Fucking Drinking

A local man has admitted he can’t wait for Christmas to end so he can finally stop drinking. 32 year-old Brian Fitzpatrick said he loves Christmas and looks forward to it every year but enough is enough.

“This has been the best Christmas ever. Please somebody make it stop. I’ve been on the lash for two weeks solid now. I swear I can actually feel the drink slowly killing me and causing serious damage to my liver but it’s Christmas so obviously you have to keep drinking. Unless of course you’re one of those non-drinking weirdos, which I’m not.”

Like many people around the country, Brian is due back in work next week and said it’s time to sober up but coming off the drink for him is a gradual process.

“You can’t just suddenly stop or your body could go into shock. You need to wean yourself off alcohol. I’m officially off the drink starting from now so I’ll just have 7 or 8 cans tonight and a few glasses of wine before bed. Just to help me sleep. By my calculations I should be completely drink free around March, just in time to go at it hard again for St. Patrick’s week.”