Britain is celebrating today after the announcement that the ginger lad from the royal family who lives in America (because he kinda left the royal family) has knocked up his missus again. Harry and Meghan Markle broke the news last night in a statement which read ‘We, the Duke and Duchess of Sussex, are pleased to announce that we are officially up the duff.’
Within minutes of the news breaking Britain went into meltdown. Sky News has been reporting on the story non-stop ever since and said all other news including Covid can fuck off. BBC Royal Correspondent Nicholas Witchell was so overcome with joy that he couldn’t handle it and jumped off a bridge to his death.
Despite lockdown restrictions thousands of people began to gather outside Buckingham Palace waving union jacks hoping to get a glimpse of the happy couple even though they’re not there.
Doris Winterbottom made the long trek from her home in Yorkshire and told reporters she intends to stand there for the entire pregnancy. “I love the royal family.” said Doris. “I really love them. I have kids of my own but I couldn’t give a shit about them. As long as the royal children are happy that’s all that matters.”
The Queen meanwhile is believed to be delighted with the news but said there’s no point in telling her husband Prince Philip who has apparently completely lost it at this stage and was last seen running around London’s Hyde Park barking at dogs and chasing pigeons.